Fight Nice: Relationship tips for parents of young children by Susie Cortright, http://www.momscape.com

The heat of the moment is when we say things that can really damage intimacy.
Here are some tips for staying calm, even amid the chaos that often defines life

with young children:

--> Preventative Measures

- Declare a zero tolerance policy on the out-of-control temper. You must
decide, for yourself, that behaving this way is simply not okay. Remind
yourself that it is indeed possible to manage your emotions.

Think back to times when you were successful at controlling your anger.
Maybe you bit your tongue rather than hollering at your boss. Or you were
just about to let it fly at your husband when your in-laws called and,
suddenly, you couldn't believe the sweetness of your own voice. Proof
positive that we all have the power to change our own moods, whenever
we wish.

- Discover your "anger triggers." Keep a journal for those times when you
feel like you're ready to fly off the handle. Do you notice any patterns...time
of day, hunger level, lack of exercise, a full calendar? Even noise from a TV
or radio can contribute to a feeling of over-stimulation, which can set off an
emotional explosion. Create a nurturing environment for yourself.

- Take care of yourself. We're more likely to react to a situation - rather
than to simply act - when we haven't gotten enough sleep or we haven't been
eating right. Start your day with a light breakfast that includes carbohydrates
and protein. Then continue to eat for energy throughout the day.

- Daily exercise provides a physical release to help you control anxiety and
aggression throughout the day.

- A regular routine of prayer and meditation can calm a chaotic mind. Sit
quietly for at least 15 minutes each day. Practice a few yoga stretches
when things get tense.

- Decide how you'll deal with certain situations before they arise. What
makes you want to blow your top? Determine how you'll handle those things
beforehand - while you're calm.


--> In the heat of the moment

- Take a few deep breaths. Diaphragmatic breathing helps reduce stress
This will also give you a time-out, long enough to make a rational
assessment of the situation and to help you regain a sense of control.

- Visualize yourself as the cool, calm person you strive to be. Whom
do you know who embodies these traits? Imagine this person's reaction
to the situation.

- Stop. Think. Then act. Remind yourself of the importance of keeping
yourself under control. If you feel anger building inside, release it.
Or pray for a new way to perceive the situation.

- Consciously lower your voice. Yelling will only make your spouse more
defensive. A soft tone says you're in control.

- Don't catastrophize. Resist the temptation to blow something out of
proportion. Avoid using the words "always" and "never" when you talk
to yourself and when you talk to other people.

- Distract yourself. Is there any way you can laugh about the situation?
Ask yourself: what is the real significance of the situation that
triggered my rage? Choose your battles carefully.

- Try behavior modification. Mike Brescia has a series of audio programs
range of specific topics that many people (including myself) have found
be most effective and helpful. You can decide if they're
right for you here: http://www.momscape.com/thinkrightnow


About the author:
Susie Cortright is the author of Rekindling Your Romance After Kids
http://www.momscape.com/rekindle.htm - and More Energy for Moms -
http://www.momscape.com/energy - a mind-body-spirit fitness program
and community. Susie is also the founder of the award-winning Momscape.com,
a website designed to help busy parents find balance. Visit
http://www.momscape.com today and get Susie's free course-by-email,
"Six Days to Less Stress."